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An Introduction

Welcome To A Jackals Voice. The intention of this blog is to be an outlet for myself and others on topics that are not generally discussed...

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

Hidden Strength

What is a Strong person? How do you define that characteristic? Is it physical stature? Is it resilience? Is it that 'stiff-upper-lip' I've heard so much about? Or is it something more? Today I'm going to explore what I think makes a person strong and try to explain why I believe there are different forms of strength.

I am a very proud person by nature. It is not that I feel like I have accomplished a great deal in my short time on earth, but more the way I have dealt with things. Throughout our lives we come up against challenges. Whether its losing friends, the death of a loved one or a tough day is irrelevant. Regardless of the context, it happens to us all. I take pride in independence, even to my own detriment. I have always tried to solve my own problems, particularly if I created them. Whilst I have not always been successful, I have always had that behind me. Every time I have failed I have taken solace in that at least I tried. I've failed a lot. However, a failure in my eyes is not always a failure to someone else. Pride has kept me going through a lot of things. When it came to university it was Pride that got me through my second year, along with an distinct interest in my topic. By the third year I'd lost my drive. I no longer felt that I needed to prove anything to myself or anyone else. I lost interest and eventually dropped out with a Diploma for my efforts. Maybe not the wisest of my decisions, but I wouldn't trade that time for the world.

Thursday, 9 February 2017

Frustration

It has now been almost four months since I was made unable to work. In that time I've been referred to a Mental Health Team, I've had various blood tests and I've had an MRI scan performed. The pills that have been prescribed are not working as they used too as I am becoming tolerant and I require more to get the same effect. I am not improving as I'd hoped and I still do not have a confirmed diagnosis for my current condition. My anxiety and hallucinations are still issues, but I have learnt to cope with them. Not knowing what is going on with my mind right now is starting to get to me. For someone with anxiety I would like to think I am relatively calm, but I can't help but get frustrated.

Diagnosis is difficult when it comes to Mental Health. Every condition has various spin-offs that make it difficult to pin down. Before I knew I had anxiety I went to the doctor and ended up taking anti-depressants. I wasn't depressed, I'm still not now, but the pills were prescribed due to my symptoms. As it turned out I had to stop taking them, I found they made me feel disconnected from reality. Strangely I'd still rather have anxiety than feel like that. Eventually it was concluded that I was having panic attacks because of my anxiety and more appropriate medication was given. The point is that there is a lot of trial-and-error as it is difficult to know exactly what is wrong with any given person. It takes time to get treatment, and even then it can still be wrong.
Anyone that has a condition can tell you that it is a long process. I wasn't officially diagnosed with psychosis until I was 20. I knew something was wrong but I tried to just ignore it. Only after some light pressure from friends and family did I go to get a diagnosis but even that took over a month. Until someone has a diagnosis there is little that can be done, aside from possibly masking the symptoms. With a diagnosis at least you know what to tell people and you can start to work with it.